Category Archives: Food

Why this is going to be the Best Labor Day Ever

First, I finally submitted an IPhone app I’ve been working on to Apple last night at 11:59PM. It could still be rejected for a host of reasons, and there’s still a ton of work to do for the project – but today – a day off. Yes!

B: I normally have a guitar lesson on Mondays, which means I get up early and practice a few hours to make up for the entire week of not practicing (obviously). But today is Labor Day, so… no lesson, and no obligatory practice – yes!

3: We’re doing the P90x Doubles program right now, which has been fun and rewarding, but which amounts to 1-2 hours of working out PER DAY, 6 day a week. 7 weeks ago when we started, we made the genius decision to have Mondays be the day off, so… No Workout Today! Yes!

And Bonus, no workout means I don’t really have to shower either, so this is on track to be the most obligation free day ever ;)

Double Bonus – I had Napoleon French Toast at the Cheesecake Factory brunch yesterday, but curiously weigh 1.4 pounds less today?

So, Today’s Agenda
1. Sleep in – DONE, got out of bed at 10:30
2. Finish Parks and Recreation Season 4 – DONE, polished off the final 2 episodes with breakfast
3. Blog while watching bad movie that I’ve already seen – IN PROGRESS, Deep Impact
4. Finish A Dance With Dragons, ~50 pages left
5. Practice guitar – but voluntarily?
6. Go see a movie in the theater – tentative
7. Avoid labor and worry at all times

Normally I would add some pictures and edit this post for humor and conciseness, but that seems too much like work right now. So here you go!


I keep finding treats everywhere…

“Oh must be my lucky day”

“Hmm that’s weird”

“Wait a minute…”

“This is no coincidence…”

It’s like it’s my birthday! 

Never-ending mini-york surprise = extremely ideal birthday!  But now I’m all greedy and wondering where the big mother ship bag-o-York is…

I want it Now!

I’m feeling really empty on blog material this evening, but I fear incurring the whine wrath of Veruca Salt, so here we go anyway…

1) Went to Waterbar SF tonight for $1 happy hour oysters.  They were good, but now I feel weird.  Apparently oysters, random fruity cocktail, and peppermint bark do not make for a nourishing square meal.

2) I’ve been completely wrapped up in my latest work project, and that’s been occupying the vast majority of my time and thoughts.  Hence, lack of brain space for generating blog-worthy material.

3) My mom once wondered why we needed so many skillets in the house.  “I don’t even have this many!” 

This is why.

4) New upstairs neighbor gets up around 6 am (for real!) and starts walking around (how dare he!).  Unfortunately the floors are wood and his kitchen/living room is above my bedroom.  I haven’t been well rested in a month and the bags are starting to coalesce under my eyes and reveal my pushing-thirty-ness.

The corollary to this is that his bedroom is above our living room, where we play pop/rock music and/or action/sci-fi programming until midnight-ish.  So he probably hasn’t been well rested for a while either?

All of this got me Zillowing housing prices in Austin, TX today.  I may actually be able to afford my dream house (close to everything, no surface-sharing neighbors) there!

5) On Monday, I saw someone pick a cup of chopped fruit (fork included) out of an overflowing public trash can and start eating it.  I found this simulataneously gross and heart warming- what a nutritious, delicious, and otherwise expensive snack (assuming the germ thing works out ok)!

6) Speaking of pushing thirty, everyone I know who has rounded that corner seems to accept it with grace and happiness.  Maybe because what other option does one really have? 

I don’t think that’s going to be me.  With a little over a year to go, I’m digging my heels in as hard as they will go.  I’m planning to apply myself to having extreme amounts of non-fun just to make the time pass extra slow… Yup, that’ll probably work.

7) If I had been more organized about this, I could have turned this into 3 or 4 posts.  Instead I poured the entire well into this one and now it’s gonna be dry for a spell.  Oh well. 

Stay back, Veruca.

Pass it forward

Hey, did you know you could boil eggs IN THE OVEN?

I heard this on this blog that I regularly stalk.  She heard it on Pinterest, who in turn heard it from Alton Brown.

And now you’re hearing it from me.

Here’s how you do it:

1. Put eggs in un-preheated oven
2. Set oven to 325*
3. For medium boiled eggs, go away for 24 minutes (aka, watch 1 episode of Parks and Rec or half an episode of Deep Space Nine).  For hard-boiled, wait 30 minutes.
4. Retrieve delicious eggs (I use tongs).

Remember, eggs are gross, but they can be good under ideal circumstances.  In this case, you’ll want to chop yours up with a spoon in a bowl and sprinkle seasoned salt liberally.  Then, eat with spoon.  Make sure to get a crumble of yolk with every bite.

* I usually end up doing mine for 24 minutes in 350-375 degree oven because I’m warming up fake chicken meat at the same time.  Still turns out!  I’ve only had one instance of outer hull breach, and the fallout scraped right off the oven floor in one big cooperative solidified chunk, no fuss!  (I did not eat the fallout – ew).

Try it out, tell a friend!

Tofu Kimchi Eggs Benedict

Shipping is hard. 

Like when you’ve “finished” your term paper, but you still have to add page numbers (but not on page 1!), do a bibliography, and scrub the footnotes for grammar and idiocy.  Like when you’ve “finished” your code, but you still have to push all the pixels into place, run beta tests, and fix bugs - soo many bugs.  Like when you’re “ready” to walk out the door, but you still have to check the weather, put on a scarf, find your keys, and make sure your scarf matches your shoes.  Then drive back down the street to make sure the garage is closed (always is).

Shipping is hard.

I always mess up some mundane detail!
(Shoulda set up a test environment, fool)
photo credit

Because I know this fact, I almost always give the benefit of the doubt to things that have shipped.  If an idea was conceived of, deemed worthy of being brought forth into reality, and run through even the most basic of sanity checks (“Honey, do you think I’m pulling off these red boots?”), then how bad can it be?  I mean, if something manages to navigate the perilous trail between inspiration and fruition, at worst it’s gonna be “not-quite-my-taste-but-I-can-see-why-you-might-like-it.”  N’est-ce pas?

So when I went to brunch this Sunday and saw “Tofu Kimchi Eggs Benedict” on the menu, my first thought was “sounds gross and weird,” but my second thought was “must taste way better than it sounds.”  I mean, someone cooked this, wrote a description of it, and printed it on the menu.  They sat around figuring out how much it should cost and what to serve on the side.  How bad could it be?

Answer: Bad.

Imagine an oily slab of fried tofu in place of the English muffin, and a slop of kimchi instead of the canadian bacon.  It’s problematic because the tofu and poached egg are too similar in texture, and the kimchi adds to the mushiness of it all.  You need the English muffin and the meat/vegetable to soak up the goop.  Accept no only adequate substitutes.

I should have known better.  Eggs are gross, and eggs benedict tastes good only because the other layers overcome the egg.  Under no circumstances should I have expected the egg to be the miracle worker that makes fried tofu and kimchi taste good. 

But… how did this even end up on the menu?  How?  Only 2 scenarios come to mind.  Scenario 1: Chef is a maleficent dictator with weird taste buds and no tolerance for dissent.  Scenario 2: Chef is also Grandma and her taste buds are dead but nobody has the heart to tell her.  But maybe I owe them more credit… Scenario 3: Chef is a capitalist and knows the likes of Maryann will order the weird sounding thing, so he puts it on the menu regardless of probable gag reflexes.

Really, I should have known better.  My logic-meets-optimism-meets-curiosity approach also led me to order a stout float at my favorite place (never do this), and shrimp and banana spring rolls at my second favorite place (sounds insane, tastes even worse).

I started this post earlier today, and had planned to end it with an uplifting tale about how Ben and Jerry’s Free Cone Day today provided such abundant deliciousness that all past anti-deliciousnesses were washed away.  But alas, curiosity reared its ugly head and I ordered Schweddy Balls – “Fair Trade vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum loaded with fudge covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls.” 

This was merely “good” on the “dessert” scale, but “below average” on the “ice cream” scale.  I had hoped the malt balls would compensate for the rum and vanilla, known agents of anti-delish. 

Nope.   Next time I get strawberry.

Pi Pie Pie!

It’s a funny thing about having a blog.  It makes you wanna do things up a little bit “just for the story,” AND it makes you see stories everywhere.  Even in the unremarkable little things, like making lists or buying oreos.

That said, I’ve always had a special place in my heart for pi day.  But now I have the pictures to prove it!

Pi Pizza Pie

Perfectly Petite Pies

Divied up!

Fun fact: Today is also Albert Einstein’s birthday!

π is ubiquitous, mysterious, and coy – its value is still being calculated – so there’s really no question that it deserves a party.  However, the true magic of pi day lies in the fact that it’s recognized only by the sector of humanity which resides in my particular strata of Cool-slash-Awesome.  So here we are celebrating together, shades on, looking down on everyone-who-wishes-they-could-be-this-hip, placing bets on pi recitation contests (yes, that’s exactly what it sounds like). 

Happy Pi Day!  Go forth, be irrational!  #mathhumor

Origins: Dessert Ratios

I’ve been demanded to justify these injustices I revealed in last week’s episode:

And as per the unwritten [now written] agreement of the manor, my share of all desserts is a paltry 1/3.

Wait a minute – isn’t this the 21st century?  What happened to share and share alike?  Am I a doormat??

Answers: Yes, it depends, and not to my knowledge.

There are basically two explanations for our dessert rationing philosophy:

1. Logic

Matt stands 8 inches taller and 50 pounds heavier than me.  He far exceeds me in both basal metabolic rate and overall appetite.  He can absorb more excess calories into his bloodstream rather than paunchy lipid stores, in a single bound.  Biology.

Thus, whatever I eat, he should eat more.  Or whatever he eats, I should eat less.  Math.

Where Matt does NOT exceed me is in his time-enjoyment-of-food constant (notation: te).  That’s a real thing I just invented, nay, discovered.  His bites are 4x bigger than mine and his consumption velocity is 3x as fast.  This means his total time-enjoyment of 4 oreos is actually lower than my time-enjoyment of 2.  So where my caloric share is paltry, my time share is whopping!  Science.

From a moderation standpoint, all this works out well because it only takes one of us to make good dessert decisions for it to spill over to the other one.  Checks and balances, people.  Civics.

So there you go.  We run a perfectly rational household here, and that’s how we compute equitable divisions of dessert.


2. Reality

Scene: The Cheesecake Factory, Bellevue, WA, circa 2007

Maryann (hopeful): Want to share a cheesecake?
Matt (perplexed): Share?
Maryann: Yeah…
Matt: But… don’t you want your own?
Maryann: No!  Fool – they are huge!
Matt: But half isn’t enough??
Maryann: What if I eat less than half?
Matt: *stares*
Maryann (sincere): For every one bite I take, you can have 2.
Matt (skeptical): oh-kaay

And so it went on for the rest of time.  History turned to legend, legend turned to myth.  And some things that should not have been forgotten, were lost…

Until now!


In the beginning, I never ate Oreos at home.  Except for before the beginning, when I ate Oreos at home all the time.

Sometime after that, I realized that it was ok to eat Oreos, but only if it was Super Bowl Sunday (or one of the next 3 days).

But then today, I was notified (thank you Google+) that the Oreo just turned 100 years old.  Today.

That’s a long long time and also quite rare - time for a celebration worthy of remembrance!  Anything less would be a mistake at best and a tragedy at worst.  Right?  Right.


Hopped over to the convenient neighborhood convenience store

Yes!  But I was hoping for something smaller?


Happily headed over to the counter, where I noticed…


Dilemma!  Do I go with the super sensible choice or the somewhat sensible one?

Final bounty

That’s 6 oreos for 2 full-sized cookie monsters.  And as per the unwritten agreement of the manor, my share of all desserts is a paltry 1/3.  Being a sensible adult sux OMG wtf AFK!!!

But take heart young squire, my two Oreos still tasted awesome for the 10 glorious seconds that they lasted.

Happy birthday Oreos!  Never ever change.